Men’s thoughts on relationships and women

This is a great list is shamelessly borrowed from a piece of paper I ran into and freely translated into English. The paper quoted the source as www.positiivarit.fi, a Finnish “positivity” site. Now, all men out there, do you agree with this?

• Learn to use the toilet cover. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We use it up, you use it down. We don’t complain about it being down either.
• Birthdays, valentine’s days and wedding anniversaries are not tests to see if we can again buy the perfect gift.
• Sometimes we do not think about you. Learn to live with that.
• Sunday means sports and/or cars. It’s like the full moon or the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not sports. We will never think otherwise.
• Crying is blackmail.
• If you want something, ask clearly. Subtle clues do not work. Strong hints don’t work either. Obvious clues don’t work. Just say it.
• Check the oil of your car. Please.
• “Yes” and “no” are perfectly acceptable answers to nearly all questions.
• Tell us your problem only if you want it fixed. That’s how we work. You can get sympathy from your girlfriends.
• A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. Go see a doctor.
• Nothing we said six months ago applies when arguing. In fact, all our comments become invalid after seven days.
• If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We will not answer.
• If something that we say can be interpreted in two ways, one of which makes you sad or angry, we mean the other one.
• Let us look at other women. We’ll do that anyway, it’s in our genes.
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us to do something. Not both. If you know beforehand how to do it best, do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, say what you want to say during a commercial break.
• Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.
• Our relationship will never be like it was in the first month. Learn to live with that and stop complaining to your girlfriends.
• All men see only 16 colors, just like in Windows’ settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. And we have no idea what a beige is.
• If it itches, we scratch it.
• We do not read minds and we never will. This deficiency doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t care about you.
• If we ask what’s wrong and you say nothing, we act accordingly. We know you’re lying, but it’s not worth it to find out what is the matter.
• If you ask a question which you do not want to hear an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
• When we’re going somewhere, anything you own will be just fine to wear.
• Do not ask what we think unless you’re prepared to hear, for example, about how the stomach works, navel lint, football or cars.
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.
• We think beer is a fun thing, just like purses are to you.
• Thank you for reading this. I know I will have to spend the next night on the couch, but that’s okay. It’s kind of like camping.

I’d vouch for perhaps 70% of these, so it’s a pretty good list